I have had this post sitting in my drafts for some time now.
I’ve had the topic of marrying young on my mind for awhile, before Derick and I even got married in fact! But I hadn’t quite found the right words in my head to do how I feel about this justice. I decided to wait until after I was married, even just for a few months, and see if it would offer me some insight that I didn’t have before. And it has! Six months isn’t a crazy amount of experience, but Derick put it well when he said “Six months is nothing to sneeze at!” 😂 So, based on my whopping six-months of experience, I’m going to make a case to you for young marriage!
I feel like it’s so common to hear about why you shouldn’t get married young, or even get married period. There’s so much negativity surrounding the topic, and it doesn’t help that if you’re on the younger side of things, people laugh and tell you that you don’t know what you’re getting into. Not advocating for jumping into a serious commitment without preparation or certainty, but only you and your significant other can know whether or not you are ready for that, so it’s nobody else’s business anyways! After getting engaged young, my eyes were opened to just how discouraged young marriage is these days. Luckily, we received nothing but support for our family and close friends, those who truly know and love us. But I was shocked at how outspoken aquaintances and even total strangers were about us getting married young! Getting engaged at 19 and 20, we weren’t naive to the fact that it was uncommon to get engaged before you could even legally drink, but man, talk about a tough crowd! Derick and I often talk about what it is that we are just so naive to that everyone talks about. What is it that everyone is always referencing when they say “oh, just you wait!”? What it is exactly that we should be expecting to hit that’s going to make marriage a nightmare? Having to work hard at making our relationship a priority? Being loyal to each other? Having children? Struggling financially? Because, believe it or not, we came in as best prepared as we could be for all of those things, even looking forward to most of them (gasp!) and knowing that a good marriage requires hard work and sacrifice. You will never once hear me say in this post that getting married young means it doesn’t require you to roll up your sleeves and work hard, but almost everything in life that’s truly worth it requires that! And there’s so much fun, happiness and love that comes from that effort. I know every relationship across the board is different, but here are some really great benefits I’ve found from us getting married young:
- You get to be together and make memories during some of the best years of your lives!
Everyone always thinks marriage must be so boring, because when you get married, you are “settling down.” Maybe that’s the case for some, but probably not if you’re just into your 20’s! You pretty much just entered adulthood and have your whole life ahead of you! Not to say that any age can’t be the best years of your life, but when you’re just beginning your 20’s, not only do you have a lot of energy to do fun and adventurous/spontaneous things, but there’s many things you just haven’t done yet! You get to experience lots of firsts together and make so many memories, and and as you get older together, you will have all of that to look back on and remember from your early years of marriage.
- You grow and mature together.
Living together and having to coordinate with each other for everything requires dedication and maturity, and you don’t realize how little of it you may have until your life doesn’t revolve solely around you anymore! Being married young has already helped both of us to step outside of our bubbles and work together to make time for each other, to handle disagreements better, and to learn from each other!
- You aren’t so set in your ways yet.
Kind of on the same note as the previous point, but getting married young means you haven’t had a lot of time to live on your own yet or get super set in your ways and routines, which I think can only help with the transition into married life! You’re each going to have different ways of doing things, but at least you are flexible and open to each other’s differences and maybe even look for new ways to do things together as a couple!
- You learn to talk about money management earlier.
Like I said above, before you are married you do your own thing, and money is included in that. When you merge all of your belongings and money, you are forced to talk about how you want to handle that early! Money is the number one reason cited as the cause for divorce, so it’s no topic to sweep under the rug. Typically when people are older, they are more financially established and can sweep that under the rug and just wing it when it comes to their money if they have more wiggle room to do that. But typically, when you’re getting married young, you’re gonna be on a pretty low income and will be forced to talk about money in order to make sure all your bills get paid that month! We both knew we wanted to be a team when it came to handling money, and we researched to find out exactly how we wanted to handle our money and are confident that it won’t be a point of contention for us! For anyone about to get married/is currently married, or anyone looking for money management help period, Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and his podcast are excellent resources on how to get debt free, build wealth, and manage your money in a smart way!
- You get to dream together about the future.
Now that we’ve laid out a plan to tackle our finances, we’ve really begun to talk about detailed dreams together for our future. Traveling, building a home on land, having children, doing things we’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have a game plan for! Again, obviously you can dream together at any age and stage in life, but it is so amazing when you are young and just starting out to have those conversations and to support each other in following each other’s dreams and goals in life from the very start.
- You have a partner to tackle all of the tough things that are new to you in adulthood.
Paying bills, renewing your tag, learning to cook for yourself, car maintenance, maintaining a home, etc…no matter what it is, we have learned about it together, and even found ways to make it fun! We now love to make dinner together and watching a show while we eat, running errands together, or tackling projects for the house over the weekend to keep it in good shape/decluttered/etc. Derick understands and is able to explain to me things I don’t understand (was clueless about things like escrow, turning off your hose bibs in the winter, or the fact that you’re supposed to change your air filter every three months 😂) and I for him! It makes some of the stuff that you just kinda feel thrown into without instruction a little less scary and a little more manageable with a partner!
- You get even more time with the person you love as their wife/husband.
I have known several people who knew they wanted to marry their boyfriend/girlfriend, but waited a really long time to do so for various and totally valid reasons! Derick and I realize we are very lucky to have been in a place in our lives where we got to marry as early as we did, but sometimes it’s not about circumstance and people are just plain afraid to commit. And who can blame them? Marriage has been portrayed as what you do after you’ve had all the fun you’ll ever have in your life! You “settle down,” commit to never traveling or doing fun stuff again, have kids, and “let yourself go.” The way I see it, if you are with the right person and can get married earlier, you get even more years with the person you love as their spouse, and that doesn’t mean more years of “settling down.” That means more years of fun, adventure, and just taking on life with a best friend by your side, which I think is well worth the commitment!
So, for any of you skeptics, I don’t know if I changed your mind or your opinion of my naïveté, but I hope for anyone out there getting married younger or considering it, that this encourages you that you are on the right path for your life and your relationship, not anyone else’s. It’s cliche, but when you know, you know. So trust your gut and don’t be afraid of sharing your life with someone, the joy and love you experience is well worth the effort you put in. ❤️
Konnor with a K